Next season wishlist!

Since it's almost Christmas, I decided I'd make a wishlist for the next season of The Hills

After the snooze-fest that MTV is trying to play off as the "Bitch-is-back" season of The Hills I have begun to wonder what I want the next season of the show to contain.
First things first, the most obvious thing that will happen next season is that Brody Jenner and his lovely Playmate will NOT be breaking up. On this season's finale, Brody made it seem like the two would be over, but any tweeter can see that the two are still together (Follow Brody and Jayde on Twitter!). So much for Kristin and Brody.
Second, we want Kristin and Justin-Bobby to break up. We all know it's an act, they don't even seem that interested in each other. Kristin can do much better *coughBrodycough*.
Audrina has to do something. All she did this season was bitch about Justin-Bobby. Oh wait, that's all she ever did...
Lo has to get a boyfriend, start a fight, or just leave. We don't buy it that you're Audrina's friend. Or Stephanie's friend. Or ANY of these people's friend. Ok, I get it, you're the new Whitney. Your job is to ask people about their problems so the editors can cue some emotional music and have those awkward silences and stares that have made The Hills so popular.
Metherella has to come back as a raging alcoholic and her and Holly Montag have to drunkenly hook up.
Heidi and Spencer have to get pregnant. With octoplets. And they all have to get a cover on OK! magazine.

And last but not least, they have to bring Lauren Conrad back. The only reason Kristin ever worked before was because of her and Lauren's feud. They have to bring it back. Let them fight over Brody or better yet give Stephen a call, because lord knows that boy hasn't done shit since MTV pulled TRL.

A Thumbs Down for the Newest Season of What Used to be MTV's Money-Making Powerhouse

Tonight was the SEASON (not series) finale of The Hills. With no signs of Metherella it could only be so entertaining.
Brody decides he and Jayde can be no more, while Spencer finally caves in and says if Heidi wants a child, he wants to have a child.
Kristin and Justin-Bobby decide to give a try while Audrina is left alone on some pier.

What is this? Where are the fights? The emotional music set to tearful a rendezvous at a posh L.A. night club? Where are the memorable quotes: "You know what you did!" "I forgive you, and I want to forget you."
Oh yeah... they all left with Lauren Conrad. On the Aftershow, Kristin let's us know there will be another season of The Hills and if MTV hopes to turn this show back into the powerhouse it was three years ago they may have to give Lauren Conrad an offer she can't refuse.

Season 5, Part 2?

I couldn't help but noticed during a commercial break the ad for Season 5 of The Hills on DVD. The interesting part is, it's being billed as Season 5 Part 1. So this is Part 2 then? Is MTV not confident enough to make this a season of it's own?

Anyways. So finally a more believable storyline--Kristin and Brody. God I hope this happens. Makes me reminiscent of the good ole days with K-Cav, LC, and Stephen back in Laguna. Hopefully Kristin will ditch Justin-Bobby (or ugh Justin-Tubby, he's gained some since those days of being the lean, hairy hipster). Good to see some of the cast is losing weight... but does it really count if it all goes into your lips, Metherella?
And why is it the previews for next week's episode always seem more exciting than anything on the episodes?
WE MISS LAUREN!

Money makes the world go around...

So Perez Hilton is reporting that salaries for The Hills cast members have leaked. Here's how it breaks down...
Lauren Conrad was making $125,000 per episode. Not bad, not bad. What the hell is she going to do now, aside from Kohl's?
Audrina Patridge brings in $100,000 per episode, while Heidi is making close to $100,000. Excuse me? Why the F*CK is that girl making more than Heidi? We all know he story is just filler anyway. Well I guess maybe now with Kristin and JB's possible "fling" Audrina could have more of a role. Still. As for Spencer and Brody, they make $65,000 and $45,000 thousand respectively.

I don't even know why I'm mentioning her...

Lauren Conrad's line for Kohl's launched. Here's the link to the clothing. Not too bad; I've thrown up worse.

Wait, what?

Kristin v. Lauren
I'm sorry, but didn't Lauren leave The Hills? Why are they even being compared?
We all know The Hills is a far cry from reality, but in a show that still bills itself as so, how do they explain her just dropping off? Especially when Conrad's BFFL, Lo Bosworth, is still going to make appearances on the show (she could even be billed as an official cast member in opening credits). If they really want a new start, ditch the Bearded Lady and stick with the B*tch.
Here's some more pics of the gals at Sunday night's VMAs.

PS--Lay off the bronzer Conrad! Keep it natural, like your "successor."

Audriana v. Cavallari

Oh the "drama." So Perez Hilton reports that Audrina Patridge, the brown-haired ho dropped out as a presenter at tonight's VMAs because she learned she'd be presenting with The Hills newcomer, Kristin Cavallari. Apparently the two don't get along and I'm guessing it has something to do with Kristin making whoopie with Justin-Bobby.

The Hills - MTV Shows

Oh great and Heidi wants to reproduce. And what's with Kristin and that slutty bar b*tch becoming friends? Can't MTV just ask Kristin to invite one of her real friends to be on the show? Oh wait, she doesn't have any.

And Kristin! Really? JB? Honestly? Justin-Bobby needs a quick shave among other things. And after he's done with a few of those razors he can give a handful to the Bearded Conrad.

The B*TCH is Back!

The B*TCH is Back! Tuesday, September 29th at 10pm!
Kristin Cavallari joins The Hills cast for season 6! Kristin Cavallari starred alongside Lauren Conrad on MTV's Laguna Beach. Fans of the show got to see Cavallari on The Hills fifth season finale where the Laguna Beach High alum showed up at Heidi and Spencer's wedding.

I'm excited to have her join the cast, but I'd prefer Lauren to be on too! "Beef Curtains," however decided to step down when the time was right--which to me sounds like a thinly veiled cover-up for "she was kicked off the show because her boyfriend can't be filmed due to conflicting contracts."

The Hills - MTV Shows

Hopefully the show will find some balance with a b*tch-filled cast.