A Golden Oldie...

So I was feeling a bit nostaglic today and started watching old episodes of The Hills (Season 2 to be exact). While watching I came along this gem... hope you enjoy...

Dude looks like a lady... oh wait.

So we've all heard (I'm hoping at least you've heard) about Heidi's near-death experience and her multiple plastic surgery operations.
Spills has decided to make a small comment on Heidi's finished look...

She looks like a man. Like a drag queen. RuPaul's Drag Race anyone? In an interview with Access Hollywood Mandi states her operations where a response to her growing insecurities about her small boobs, big nose, and big "Jay Leno" chin. Great L.A. Barbie now just looks like Ken.
Then again there is one girl... uh person she does remind us of...

Next season wishlist!

Since it's almost Christmas, I decided I'd make a wishlist for the next season of The Hills

After the snooze-fest that MTV is trying to play off as the "Bitch-is-back" season of The Hills I have begun to wonder what I want the next season of the show to contain.
First things first, the most obvious thing that will happen next season is that Brody Jenner and his lovely Playmate will NOT be breaking up. On this season's finale, Brody made it seem like the two would be over, but any tweeter can see that the two are still together (Follow Brody and Jayde on Twitter!). So much for Kristin and Brody.
Second, we want Kristin and Justin-Bobby to break up. We all know it's an act, they don't even seem that interested in each other. Kristin can do much better *coughBrodycough*.
Audrina has to do something. All she did this season was bitch about Justin-Bobby. Oh wait, that's all she ever did...
Lo has to get a boyfriend, start a fight, or just leave. We don't buy it that you're Audrina's friend. Or Stephanie's friend. Or ANY of these people's friend. Ok, I get it, you're the new Whitney. Your job is to ask people about their problems so the editors can cue some emotional music and have those awkward silences and stares that have made The Hills so popular.
Metherella has to come back as a raging alcoholic and her and Holly Montag have to drunkenly hook up.
Heidi and Spencer have to get pregnant. With octoplets. And they all have to get a cover on OK! magazine.

And last but not least, they have to bring Lauren Conrad back. The only reason Kristin ever worked before was because of her and Lauren's feud. They have to bring it back. Let them fight over Brody or better yet give Stephen a call, because lord knows that boy hasn't done shit since MTV pulled TRL.

A Thumbs Down for the Newest Season of What Used to be MTV's Money-Making Powerhouse

Tonight was the SEASON (not series) finale of The Hills. With no signs of Metherella it could only be so entertaining.
Brody decides he and Jayde can be no more, while Spencer finally caves in and says if Heidi wants a child, he wants to have a child.
Kristin and Justin-Bobby decide to give a try while Audrina is left alone on some pier.

What is this? Where are the fights? The emotional music set to tearful a rendezvous at a posh L.A. night club? Where are the memorable quotes: "You know what you did!" "I forgive you, and I want to forget you."
Oh yeah... they all left with Lauren Conrad. On the Aftershow, Kristin let's us know there will be another season of The Hills and if MTV hopes to turn this show back into the powerhouse it was three years ago they may have to give Lauren Conrad an offer she can't refuse.

"I just want you to be happy"

Ah, the fateful words of a young Miss Kristin Cavallari. I'm sure she said the same thing to her childhood friend Jessica before "hooking up" with her crush (oh we all remember that episode of Laguna Beach)
Ah the return of Speidi's shrink! Did you see the look on that poor psychiatrist's face when Heidi suggested she trick Spencer and go off her birth control? It's so fun when The Hills let's REAL real people on the show.
On a more serious note... I find it somewhat hypocritical of Brody to get so defensive when his fellow bros tell him the Crazy Pin-Up Bitch has changed him. Isn't this what happened with Spencer and Brody when Heidi came into the picture?

So tonight's main event: Slutty Bitch versus Crazy Pin-Up Bitch sit down for a nice classy conversation at some posh restaurant. Unfortunately there isn't much to report... Jayde calls Kristin a slut, Kristin calls Jayde a crazy bitch. Do these girls not watch their own show?

And are Heidi and Audrina really friends now? Audrina swears off Justin-Bobby and Heidi swears off the pill! Brody then swears off life if he and Jayde every fight again! The Bro tells the Pin-Up he'll jump off a building if the two fight again... guess we know Mr. Jenner's run on the show is coming to an end...


And where has Metherella run off to? And the sad thing is, has anyone noticed?

Best line EVER

So the guy MTV bought for Audrina to take on dates said the best line in The Hills history...
At a random bar, Justin-Bobby2 asks "You in deep thought over there?" It was pure gold.

The other big thing this week is Holly Montag's drinking. She let's loose at a Bolthouse event (remember, Heidi's "employer") and Speidi takes notice. They tell her stop the drinking. Seriously? What happened to taking shots in Mexico and getting "married," Speidi?
But what is going on here? Alcoholism? Audrina in deep thought? Adam DiVello, stick to what you're good at... sex tape rumors and mascara tears coming from one eye.

Money makes the world go around...

So Perez Hilton is reporting that salaries for The Hills cast members have leaked. Here's how it breaks down...
Lauren Conrad was making $125,000 per episode. Not bad, not bad. What the hell is she going to do now, aside from Kohl's?
Audrina Patridge brings in $100,000 per episode, while Heidi is making close to $100,000. Excuse me? Why the F*CK is that girl making more than Heidi? We all know he story is just filler anyway. Well I guess maybe now with Kristin and JB's possible "fling" Audrina could have more of a role. Still. As for Spencer and Brody, they make $65,000 and $45,000 thousand respectively.

Heidi! What would Jesus say?!

He'd probably say work that pole! Spencer and Heidi showed up in full form to a Playboy party at the Mansion. Heidi is featured on the magazine's September issue cover. Way to go Heidi! Gotta keep up those good Christian morals!

Happy Birthday Heidi!

A big Happy Birthday to America's real life blow up doll!

The B*TCH is Back!

The B*TCH is Back! Tuesday, September 29th at 10pm!
Kristin Cavallari joins The Hills cast for season 6! Kristin Cavallari starred alongside Lauren Conrad on MTV's Laguna Beach. Fans of the show got to see Cavallari on The Hills fifth season finale where the Laguna Beach High alum showed up at Heidi and Spencer's wedding.

I'm excited to have her join the cast, but I'd prefer Lauren to be on too! "Beef Curtains," however decided to step down when the time was right--which to me sounds like a thinly veiled cover-up for "she was kicked off the show because her boyfriend can't be filmed due to conflicting contracts."

The Hills - MTV Shows

Hopefully the show will find some balance with a b*tch-filled cast.