Next season wishlist!

Since it's almost Christmas, I decided I'd make a wishlist for the next season of The Hills

After the snooze-fest that MTV is trying to play off as the "Bitch-is-back" season of The Hills I have begun to wonder what I want the next season of the show to contain.
First things first, the most obvious thing that will happen next season is that Brody Jenner and his lovely Playmate will NOT be breaking up. On this season's finale, Brody made it seem like the two would be over, but any tweeter can see that the two are still together (Follow Brody and Jayde on Twitter!). So much for Kristin and Brody.
Second, we want Kristin and Justin-Bobby to break up. We all know it's an act, they don't even seem that interested in each other. Kristin can do much better *coughBrodycough*.
Audrina has to do something. All she did this season was bitch about Justin-Bobby. Oh wait, that's all she ever did...
Lo has to get a boyfriend, start a fight, or just leave. We don't buy it that you're Audrina's friend. Or Stephanie's friend. Or ANY of these people's friend. Ok, I get it, you're the new Whitney. Your job is to ask people about their problems so the editors can cue some emotional music and have those awkward silences and stares that have made The Hills so popular.
Metherella has to come back as a raging alcoholic and her and Holly Montag have to drunkenly hook up.
Heidi and Spencer have to get pregnant. With octoplets. And they all have to get a cover on OK! magazine.

And last but not least, they have to bring Lauren Conrad back. The only reason Kristin ever worked before was because of her and Lauren's feud. They have to bring it back. Let them fight over Brody or better yet give Stephen a call, because lord knows that boy hasn't done shit since MTV pulled TRL.

A Thumbs Down for the Newest Season of What Used to be MTV's Money-Making Powerhouse

Tonight was the SEASON (not series) finale of The Hills. With no signs of Metherella it could only be so entertaining.
Brody decides he and Jayde can be no more, while Spencer finally caves in and says if Heidi wants a child, he wants to have a child.
Kristin and Justin-Bobby decide to give a try while Audrina is left alone on some pier.

What is this? Where are the fights? The emotional music set to tearful a rendezvous at a posh L.A. night club? Where are the memorable quotes: "You know what you did!" "I forgive you, and I want to forget you."
Oh yeah... they all left with Lauren Conrad. On the Aftershow, Kristin let's us know there will be another season of The Hills and if MTV hopes to turn this show back into the powerhouse it was three years ago they may have to give Lauren Conrad an offer she can't refuse.

So true...

I love the website Texts From Last Night and today as I was going through the little bits of hilarity I came across this The Hills related text:

(412): i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.

So true!

Visit Texts From Last Night!

Snip Snip...

So on the latest episode of The Hills Spence decides to nip it in the balls-he goes to get a vasectomy. Is The Hills really that desperate? Vasectomies now? Really?
But aside from that one sour note, the episode was free of Metherella!!
DUDrina and Justin-Bobby has a nice little date together during which he basically told her it's over. Boo hoo, no more greasey hair and days without showering. If I were Audrina I'd celebrate!
Meanwhile, Kristin and Brody go clubbin' together only to meet a fistful of Jayde's fury! The drunken sl*t (which one!? I kid, I kid) goes loco on Kristin. Guess there wasn't a full bottle of Jager handy to subdue her...

Season 5, Part 2?

I couldn't help but noticed during a commercial break the ad for Season 5 of The Hills on DVD. The interesting part is, it's being billed as Season 5 Part 1. So this is Part 2 then? Is MTV not confident enough to make this a season of it's own?

Anyways. So finally a more believable storyline--Kristin and Brody. God I hope this happens. Makes me reminiscent of the good ole days with K-Cav, LC, and Stephen back in Laguna. Hopefully Kristin will ditch Justin-Bobby (or ugh Justin-Tubby, he's gained some since those days of being the lean, hairy hipster). Good to see some of the cast is losing weight... but does it really count if it all goes into your lips, Metherella?
And why is it the previews for next week's episode always seem more exciting than anything on the episodes?
WE MISS LAUREN!

Audriana v. Cavallari

Oh the "drama." So Perez Hilton reports that Audrina Patridge, the brown-haired ho dropped out as a presenter at tonight's VMAs because she learned she'd be presenting with The Hills newcomer, Kristin Cavallari. Apparently the two don't get along and I'm guessing it has something to do with Kristin making whoopie with Justin-Bobby.

The Hills - MTV Shows

Oh great and Heidi wants to reproduce. And what's with Kristin and that slutty bar b*tch becoming friends? Can't MTV just ask Kristin to invite one of her real friends to be on the show? Oh wait, she doesn't have any.

And Kristin! Really? JB? Honestly? Justin-Bobby needs a quick shave among other things. And after he's done with a few of those razors he can give a handful to the Bearded Conrad.